is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
