She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
