Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
