Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm like, not good at living.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
