I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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