Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
