Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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