Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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