Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
