tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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