i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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