If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me