She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
