was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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