I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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