You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
