Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
