If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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