so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
