Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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