You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
