im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
