I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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