My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
