Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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