Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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