why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
