hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
