ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
