I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
