I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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