had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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