It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
