i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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