I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
