i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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