We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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