This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
honey bunches of taint.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize