Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
