I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
