Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
