i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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