I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
