YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
