your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
