You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
