My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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