What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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