last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
