I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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