Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
