if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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