So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
