I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
