The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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