Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
