I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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