thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
