At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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