i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
