She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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