I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
