Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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